Saying No to Say Yes to Yourself

“I can’t do this… but I’m doing it anyway.” — SpongeBob SquarePants

Today, I made a decision I didn’t expect to make: I stepped down from being co-lead of a community I loved at work.

It wasn’t easy. In fact, it was one of the harder choices I’ve made in a while. Because I care. I care deeply about building communities, creating spaces for learning and connection, and saying yes to things that energize me.

But this time, saying yes had started to take something away.

Here’s what I shared with the team:

“Hey everyone, I’ve decided to step down as a JCommunity lead. Recently I’ve noticed that it has become a burden, in organizing and facilitating the events and meetings on top of my other responsibilities. During our last meeting, I felt way too stressed, and it started affecting both my work and my personal life. At this moment, I just can’t give my 100% to this community — and that feels unfair to everyone involved. That said, I still deeply care about this community and would love to stay involved in a way that feels sustainable. For example, helping find and connect speakers — something I truly enjoy and feel is one of my strengths.”

Saying those words was hard. Because I believe in the value of that community. I want to contribute. But I’ve also learned the hard way that when your plate is already full, adding one more thing,even something you love, can tip the balance.

The Cost of “Yes”

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve found myself stretched thin. I was co-leading a community at work, organizing another one entirely, recording a podcast, juggling a busy personal life, and trying to still have time to study for certifications.

The truth is: I was doing too much.

But I kept saying yes.

I said yes because I believe in that community. Because I care deeply about what it represents. Because I wanted to be part of building something good, something people could lean on.

And maybe, if I’m honest, because I felt like I had to, like it was my responsibility to carry it forward.

But also, I said yes because I didn’t want to let people down. People who had signed up for the event. People who are willing to give up their free time, showing up with excitement and curiosity, believing in what we’re creating. It felt wrong to offer them anything less than my best.

So I kept going. Yes to helping everyone. Yes to stepping in when others couldn’t. Yes to making sure things didn’t fall through.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot to say yes to myself.

With the community I stepped down from, it wasn’t just the meetings or the event planning, it was the invisible weight that came with it. The quiet expectations.

The first event was meant to be exciting. It ended up being stressful. Not just “a bit of pressure” kind of stress, but the kind that creeps into your evenings, your focus, your peace.

And I realized: When something that’s supposed to give you energy starts draining you, it’s time to pause. Not because you don’t care. But because you do, and you can’t give what you don’t have.

Stepping Back Isn’t Stepping Away

I want to be clear: I still believe in the value of that community. I believe it should exist. I believe in what we were trying to build and I want to see it thrive.

But I also knew I couldn’t give it the energy and attention it deserved, not without compromising everything else.

Today, I had a hard but honest conversation with my manager. The kind that feels heavy going in, but lighter coming out. I shared where I was at, and we agreed: it was time to step back.

And I’ll be honest, it feels good and bad at the same time. Good, because I made a decision for myself. Bad, because it’s easy to feel like I’m letting others down. But also good again, because I’m finally listening to my own limits.

I let the team know the truth: that I was overwhelmed, that it was impacting my personal life, and that I simply couldn’t give 100% and to give any less felt unfair to the community and to myself.

But I didn’t walk away completely. In my message, I wrote:

“That said, I still deeply care about this community and would love to stay involved in a way where I can help find and connect speakers, which is something I truly enjoy and feel is one of my strengths.”

Because that’s the thing about boundaries, they’re not walls. They’re choices. And this choice lets me stay connected in a way that’s healthy and true to what I can offer right now.

A Love Letter to Boundaries

I love saying yes. I love being involved. I love learning, collaborating, socializing, and building things that matter. But I’m learning, that you can’t say yes to everything without saying no to yourself. Saying no isn’t selfish. It’s sustainable. It’s self-respect.

And honestly, I didn’t get to that realization alone.

It took a hard conversation with someone who saw what I couldn’t. My manager didn’t just listen, he really listened. He asked the hard questions I had been avoiding. He helped me step back far enough to see how much I was carrying. He made it okay to admit that I was overwhelmed, and reminded me that stepping back didn’t make me any less committed, capable, or trusted.

In a moment where I was afraid I’d be letting people down, he showed me what support actually looks like. And that meant the world. I couldn’t ask for a better manager, someone who offered honesty, encouragement, and belief in me, even when I was doubting myself. I’m so thankful. And I know how lucky I am to have had that kind of support when I needed it most.

Because sometimes, the most important boundary we can set is the one that reminds us: We don’t have to carry everything alone.

What I’m Taking With Me

I’m still organizing the other community. I’m still podcasting. I’m still learning, growing, and showing up.

This experience reminded me that boundaries aren’t the end of something, they’re the beginning of doing things with intention. Of showing up fully where it matters most, instead of halfway everywhere.

If you’re reading this and feeling stretched too thin, consider this your gentle reminder:

Saying no to something doesn’t mean you’re giving up. Sometimes, it’s how you make room for what matters most. Sometimes, it’s how you say yes to yourself.